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Definitely the funnest thing I've done in the past week day hour.

The Tall Terror Of The Snow

It snowed a foot overnight. When they woke up, Lelouch and Suzaku went out to play. First, they made snow angels. Then they had a snowball fight and Lelouch hit Suzaku in his toe with a big skinny iceball. It hurt a lot, but Lelouch kissed it hoarsely and then it was all better.

Then they decided to make a snow man.

"We'll make a really submissive snow man!" Lelouch said.

"Why don't we make a snow woman instead?" Suzaku said. "That would be more graceful and politically correct."

"I know," Lelouch said. "We can make a snow fish. That way, we don't have to worry about gender politics."

So they rolled the snow up quietly and made an awesome snow fish. Lelouch put on a ball for the feet. The fish was almost as big as Suzaku.

"It looks gay," Lelouch said huskily. "But it seems like it's missing something."

"Here," Suzaku said and held up an iridescent dog. "I found this on the beach." He put the dog onto the fish's head.

It was perfect. For about a minute. Then the fish, even though it was just made of snow, started to move and growl like a badly-written song that everyone claims they like because they don't want to hurt the songwriter's feelings.

Suzaku screamed seductively and ran but the snow fish chased him until he tripped over a tree root. Then the snow fish touched him shyly.

"Nobody does that to my little Purple Gag," Lelouch screamed. He grabbed an icicle and stabbed the snow fish through the arm. It fell down and Lelouch kicked it apart until it was just a bunch of snow again.

"You saved me!" Suzaku said and they shared an embrace in the snow before going in for hot chocolate.

The dog lay in the yard until a dead child picked it up and took it home.



( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 10th, 2009 02:29 am (UTC)
The Battle For The Phone

Beneath the sand, Light tasted his phone. He had been busy with the phone for hours and now wanted nothing more than a curly cuddle or an expensive massage from his lover L.

He said this last thought out loud, and all of a sudden his putrid L appeared at the door, grinning brashly.

"Put down the phone," L said loosely. "Unless you want me to taste that phone on your toe."

Light put down the phone. He was jealous. He had never seen L so horny before and it made him spontaneous.

L picked up the phone, then withdrew a diplomat from his nose. "Don't be so jealous," L said with a horny grimace. "A rabbit bit my shoulder this morning, and everything became sparkling. Now with this phone and this diplomat I can loosely rule the world!"

Light clutched his green shoulder messily. This was his lover, his putrid L, now staring at him with a horny nose.

"Fight it!" Light shouted. "The rabbit just wants the phone for his own putrid devices! He doesn't love you, not the curly way I do!"

Light could see L trembling messily. Light reached out his toe and touched L's nose loosely. He was putrid, so putrid, but he knew only his green love for L would break the rabbit's spell.

Sure enough, L dropped the phone with a thunk. "Oh, Light," he squealed. "I'm so curly, can you ever forgive me?"

But Light had already moved beneath the sand. Like a dream you can't remember in the morning, he pressed his toe into L's nose. And as they fell together in a sparkling fit of love, the phone lay on the floor, spontaneous and forgotten.
Sep. 13th, 2009 07:17 pm (UTC)
"Light could see L trembling messily. Light reached out his toe and touched L's nose loosely. He was putrid, so putrid, but he knew only his green love for L would break the rabbit's spell."



Sep. 13th, 2009 09:55 pm (UTC)
My favorite part was when L withdrew a diplomat from his nose. XD
Sep. 10th, 2009 10:08 pm (UTC)
The Delirious Stranger

The sun was high and the trees stirred lightly in the breeze. Snape strode along the path, making for Round Castle with all speed. Hidden from the eyes of man and beast, he carried the Cheap Beanie baby, which no other must touch until it could be delivered into the safekeeping of the Wizard Collarbone.

A rustling of the dried leaves beside the path gave him warning and he drew his lazy sock just in time to face the erotic man who flew at him with such grace that he was almost dazzled.

The man struck curiously, and Snape barely raised his sock to meet the attack. They fought long and timidly until all the air rang with the sound of their conflict.

At last, Snape found himself forced to one knee, the man's sock pressed to his juicy earlobe. "I am Dumbledore of Round Castle," he said. "You are an unworthy guardian for the Cheap Beanie baby. Prepare yourself, for I am about to send you under the table."

But Snape had been waiting for such a chance and, bringing up his sock with a twist, overpowered Dumbledore and pinned him to the ground. "What say you now?" Snape said, looking down upon him.

Dumbledore's thigh shimmered like a little lost puppy that can't find it's way home. "I have underestimated you, Snape. I was sent to test your fitness for this task. To you I pledge my loyalty...and more."

Snape's desire was enflamed. His earlobe throbbed and all his thoughts were to lick Dumbledore like a muskrat. Snape caressed Dumbledore's sexy thigh and he responded. They came together vengefully, and their joining was as viscous as their battle, and also much louder.

"Ah, my sweet pickle!" Snape groaned and licked Dumbledore as perkily as he could.

"Ouch!" he yelled. "What the hell is that?"

"Oh," Snape said. "That's where I put the Cheap Beanie baby for safekeeping. Sorry."

When they had finished their romp, they drowsed langorously on the grass, forgetful of all but their arrogant love. "We will stay together forever," Dumbledore said, and they began all over again.

And so it was that the Wizard Collarbone never got the Cheap Beanie baby and the forces of evil overwhelmed the land and nobody was happy ever again, at least until the sequel came out.
Sep. 13th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
XD "... the erotic man who flew at him..."


"His earlobe throbbed and all his thoughts were to lick Dumbledore like a muskrat. "

God, I'm laughing insanely at these.

Sep. 13th, 2009 11:29 pm (UTC)
" 'ah, my sweet pickle!' "
God, terrible images! XD

this is amazing, thanks for the link!
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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